Never Saying Goodbye
by RazzleJazzle21
Summary: Kurt finds out Blaine cheated on him by having sex with a guy on Facebook. They talk & Kurt decides they need some time apart for him to think about his feelings & whether or not he can forgive Blaine and fix their relationship. They are together one last time before Blaine heads back to Lima & so begins the waiting game. Will Kurt find it in his heart to forgive? (ON HIATUS)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee sadly.

A/N- PLEASE. No flames! No Hate! Negativity is not wanted or appreciated here. If you dont like my story that's your opinion no need to bash me through messages, keep it to yourself.

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Kurt was speechless. He'd spent the last hour after his and Blaine fight simply wandering aimlessly around New York. He knew it wasn't the safest of decisions, but at this point he didn't exactly care if anything happened to him. Blaine had been with someone. Someone who wasn't Kurt. Who wasn't his boyfriend. Who wasn't the person he claimed to be the love of his life. If he was the love of Blaine's life...how could Blaine even consider the idea of being with someone else? Kurt tried to picture himself with someone else and it made him feel sick, physically ill and just...wrong. Anyone who wasn't BLAINE felt wrong to him. It bothered him that Blaine refused to tell him who this guy was, how they'd met. It just felt like more lies, more secrets. He was sure if Sebastian found out Blaine cheated the only shocking part would be the fact that it wasn't with HIM. Kurt had always wondered...always worried that he loved Blaine so much...MORE...than Blaine loved him, and that scared him.

You know what they say the person who feels the least is the one with all the power in a relationship. But at the same time...the look on Blaine's face when he said the words 'I was with someone' looked like he at least felt guilty. Perhaps he should try talking to him again, even if he had to make Blaine talk to him. He needed to know, he needed all the details before he could actually sit down and decide whether or not his relationship was worth saving. Kurt's heart said yes, but Kurt's head was more cautious. This just further affirmed his belief that he couldn't trust and depend on anyone in his life. All of them had dissapointed him and made him feel worthless at some point, except for his dad and his mom but she wasn't around anymore was she? He felt exhausted, and emotionally drained. He didn't even think he had tears left to cry anymore at this point.

He walked up to his front door and unlocked the latch, taking a deep breath before moving it open. Upon stepping inside he heard three relieved shouts of 'KURT!' and was pulled into a worried hug by Rachel and then Finn. Blaine himself was standing off to the side near the couch with red rimmed eyes looking as though he wanted to pull Kurt into his arms himself but didn't dare try. "Kurt...you're freezing, where did you go?" Rachel asked pulling a blanket over Kurt's shoulders and setting him down on the couch.

Kurt's face was completely blank, his lips had a slight purplish tint due to the cold and he hadn't even realized he was shivering."No where really...I just walked around" he said quietly with a shrug before looking up and meeting Rachel and Finn's eyes "Would you guys mind if I just went ahead and took a hot shower and went to bed?" they both shook their heads and ushered him towards the bathroom right before he entered he turned around and met Blaine's eyes from the spot he'd been standing in since Kurt got back and simply said "Why dont you change into your pajamas and wait for me in bed, we need to talk, I need answers...I'll be out soon, I just need to warm up a bit" Blaine nodded shakily and moved towards Kurt's room and grabbed his bag to change, as he slipped on his pajamas his heart was pounding loudly in his chest. He'd been so worried when they couldn't find Kurt, and looking at him now, with his swollen red eyes that just looked so...lifeless and empty the guilt of what he'd done made him feel that much more awful. One thing he'd always loved about Kurt's eyes were how expressive they were, so light and beautiful, colors constantly changing, his eyes had always sparkled and it was Blaine's fault that sparkle was gone, Kurt's eyes had gone dull and emotionless, all because of him.

He pulled back the covered and slid into the bed sitting with the blanket's pulled up over his lap, his hands picking at imaginary lint while he waited for Kurt. When Kurt exited the bathroom Blaine's breath caught in his throat, Kurt had a towel around his waist, his chest bare and steam coming off his body from his hot shower, his skin slightly pinked. Blaine's eyes trailed over the lean muscle, Kurt's perfect abs, strong arms and that 'V' that's end was hidden by the towel. Kurt didn't acknowledge him or even glance in his direction. He simply brought up a hand towel and rubbed it over his hair before tossing it into the laundry basket and running his fingers threw it before he dropped his towel completely pointedly ignoring Blaine's sharp inhale at the sight.

He bent at the waist to pull his most comfortable pair of pajama pants from his drawer and slipped them over his legs not bothering with his underwear. He then opened one of the top drawers and snagged what looked like a long sleeved black thermal shirt and yanked it over his head covering up the tantalizing skin that had brought a flush to Blaine's face and made his heart beat faster. He loved Kurt's body, he had normally hidden it behind layers of clothes but it seemed here in New York he didn't bother as much, his style was more comfortable and toned down, tailored to his body, even now in his mismatched pajamas he managed to look like a runway model. Kurt looked up and met his eyes defiantly and Blaine understood what this whole thing had meant 'Yes, THAT was what you cheated on'.

Kurt moved to pull back the blankets and slid in opposite Blaine, they sat silently for a moment neither breaking the silence before Blaine heard Kurt give a deep sigh and clasped his hands together. "Who was he?" he asked quietly Blaine looked up with a furrowed brow and opened his mouth to say it didn't matter but Kurt put up a hand to stop him "It matter's Blaine, I need to know the facts before I even start thinking of what to do here...I want to know who he was, how you met, how long this has been going on and how many times" he tried to make his voice sound strong but it broke slightly at the end.

Blaine took a deep miserable breath and ran a hand over his face "His name is Eli...we umm...we met over facebook, he added me a little over a week ago and we just started talking and flirting and then he asked me to come over to his house and...and I went...it was just that once, I felt disgusted with myself afterwards and ended up going home and crying for a few hours" He looked over at Kurt who was staring intently at his hands which were clenched into tight fists. "You cheated on me...with some random guy you met on facebook? I...I dont even know how to respond to that" Kurt admitted in a tight voice. "How far did you go? what you say 'I was with someone' what classifies as being 'with' someone else to you?" He asked quietly squeezing his eyes shut and bracing himself for the answer.

Blaine looked at Kurt with wide disbelieving eyes "Kurt...do you seriously want to know that?" He asked cautiously and Kurt looked up at him with tired eyes and nodded "I need the truth...just tell me Blaine, I'll find out anyways you know I will and if you lie to me now? I'll figure it out...you know me...in a few days I'll have more information on whoever this Eli person was than the FBI, I wont be able to live with myself until I do" Blaine nodded sadly, he knew it was true, Kurt would spend days obsessing over it, comparing himself every way possible to Eli and trying to figure out why his boyfriend who claimed to love him had risked their relationship to have one night with him, he didn't WANT to tell Kurt though, he wasn't proud of himself, he was actually more than a little disgusted with himself. After the initial high wore off he'd wanted to puke and cry and scream and take everything back. "We...um...he and I..." He stuttered and Kurt just sighed heavily and asked "Did you sleep with him? just nod yes or no" and Blaine nodded miserably watching as Kurt seemed to collapsed into himself and wrapping his arms around his own waist and his face just crumbled into a look of complete agony before he threw a hand over his mouth with wide eyes and dashed to the bathroom to throw up. He stood up afterwards on shaky legs and rinsed out his mouth with some mouth wash looking up to find Blaine standing right outside the bathroom with a glass of water and some aspirin "You...you always get a headache after you throw up" he said softly and Kurt just took both items from his hands silently taking care not to let their hands touch and he moved around Blaine to get back into bed. Blaine stood at the foot of the bed unsure as to whether or not he was still welcome, to be honest he was surprised Kurt hadn't kicked him out yet.

Kurt met his eyes and motioned for him to join him "Get back in bed we aren't done talking" he said his voice scratchy. Blaine climbed back in next to him and faced Kurt who was looking at him with a heartbroken expression "Did you...when you...did you think of me at all?" He asked sadly and Blaine's heart throbbed painfully as he watched the tears slip down Kurt's cheeks. "I'm always thinking about you Kurt" he said. "Then...how could you think of me and SLEEP with someone else? You were my first Blaine, my one and only...and I was supposed to be yours and you...just threw that all away from someone you barely knew? Like it was nothing? Like we hadn't spent the last almost two years together? HOW could you do that? How could you touch and kiss and BE with someone who isn't me?" he questioned through sobs burying his face in his hands and tears slid down Blaine's own face. "I...I don't know Kurt...I know there's no excuse...no matter how lonely and forgotten I felt I never should have turned to someone who wasn't you, that night with Eli...it meant nothing, I felt nothing afterwards, other than an overwhelming emptiness and extreme self disgust...I still can't believe any of it to be honest" he said.

Kurt just looked at him with devastated eyes and quietly said "I'm so angry with you, I'm so hurt...I'm completely and utterly _heartbroken _right now...this feels...it feels like I'm dying inside...and...I just really need you to hold me, I can't bare doing this alone right now so can you just...hold me?" Kurt asked softly, before he even finished the sentence Blaine was pulling him into his arms and they laid back together on the bed, Kurt's head on Blaine's shoulder tucked into his neck with Blaine's arms wrapped around him holding him tightly and Kurt slid a leg between Blaine's slotting them together to fit in the way that only they could fit together. Kurt hand came up to rest on Blaine's chest and he clutched his pajama shirt. "Kurt...talk to me...tell me what you are thinking" Blaine said quietly. he both heard and felt Kurt sniffle "I'm thinking this is the worst I've ever felt...I just feel so worthless and unwanted and unloved right now" he sobbed and Blaine hugged him tighter. "No...God Kurt no...I love you, I love you so much, you are worth so much to me, I want you more than anything or anyone on the planet, you are the love of my life".

"I hate this so much, I want to hate you, but I cant...I _love_ you Blaine...you have no idea how much I love you...I've felt so alone and stressed out and over worked, but YOU told me to come here, YOU were the one who pushed me to come to New York and follow my dreams... and when I do you turn around and sleep with someone else? How does that even make sense? You said you needed me and I wasn't there...did you ever for one second think that maybe I _needed you too?_ That I'm alone in a new city with Rachel as my _only _companion? I haven't seen my dad in a month...do you know how hard that's been? But I've been working so hard to make something of myself so that down the road I had something to OFFER you...to make you proud of me, But you just...not even a month Blaine...you didn't even wait a month till after I was gone" Kurt's voice broke at that last bit and tears streamed down his face.

Blaine held Kurt and really thought about everything he said and realized, Kurt was right. He _had _pushed Kurt to come to New York, he hadn't considered the fact that Kurt might be missing him and needing him as much as he had missed and needed Kurt, hadn't considered the fact that Kurt despite being in the city of his dreams was really very much alone, he worked long hard hours and came home exhausted every night, the only person he had there for company was Rachel...and Blaine knew how she was, at the end of the day it always ended up being about her or her and Finn. So who could Kurt turn to? No one. After his freak out over the Chandler debacle he wasn't surprised Kurt hadn't really gone out of his way to try and make friends, he was probably afraid of giving Blaine any reason to feel jealous,he 'd pushed Kurt to go to New York and then blamed him for doing so, he convinced himself Kurt was purposefully ignoring him and not making time for him.

Then to top it all off, Kurt was gone not even a month before he was going over to some guy's house who he barely even knew and SLEPT with him. He pressed a soft kiss to Kurt's hair and rubbed his back, he knew that there was no way he could attempt to make excuses or defend himself, he had betrayed Kurt's trust risked his relationship for a one night stand. There was nothing to say to that. "Where does this leave us Kurt?" he asked softly and he felt Kurt shrug slightly "I don't know...I honestly have no idea, I'm going to need time to think about all this, to sort out my feelings...to figure out whether or not I can forgive you and trust you ever again...I _do _love you Blaine...and I think deep down I believe you when you say you love me...but you crossed a line and you know it, you broke something I don't know if I can or want to fix" Kurt admitted.

The truth hurt, but Blaine appreciated Kurt's honesty. He wasn't making Blaine any promises he didn't know he could keep. "Just so you know Kurt...I'll wait however long it takes...I'll do whatever you need to make this OK between us, and I do love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if anything this just reaffirmed how strongly I feel about you. I know I screwed up, I made a mistake and I will regret hurting you and _us _for the rest of my life, and I honestly hope that you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive me, but I will understand if you don't...I just...I just want you to be happy, and if that isn't with me anymore...I'll understand."

Kurt leaned up to look into Blaine's sad eyes, he simply stared at him for a long time deep in thought and Blaine stayed silent allowing Kurt to think, Kurt took a deep breath and said "For tonight... No more talking OK I just...I just want to forget everything for a little while... Just for tonight we can pretend we're OK that none of this happened...just for tonight I want to be with you, in the morning we'll go back to reality but for now I need this...I need you... so please...please dont turn me away right now alright?" He said quietly and Blaine nodded pulling gently on Kurt's body until Kurt was hovering over him slightly, Kurt gave him a small smile and moved forward to capture Blaine's lips with his. Blaine squeezed his eyes shut against the burn of tears and kissed Kurt back fiercely trying to pour everything he felt for Kurt into that kiss alone, he didn't know whether or not this was their last time together and he'd be damned if he didn't try to make it perfect and beautiful and amazing, he wanted Kurt to remember this. To remember how this felt, he wanted him to feel how much Blaine loved him, how truly and honestly sorry he was.

Blaine tangled a hand into Kurt's hair and placed a hand on his hip as they kissed before he quickly flipped them so that Kurt was underneath him. He trailed a hand down Kurt's body till it came to rest on his thigh before he gripped it and hitched Kurt's leg up over his hip and press their hips together slightly causing Kurt to break their kiss and throw his head back slightly with a soft moan and Blaine kept his other hand tangled in Kurt's hair and he used it to pull Kurt's head to the side a bit to reveal more of his neck and he leaned in to suck dark marks into the pale flesh, Kurt's neck had always been one of his most sensitive spots and when Blaine's lips connected with his skin and began sucking and licking his back arched and he ground his hips up towards Blaine's searching for friction, using his leg around Blaine as leverage to pull his body closer and Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's shoulders.

Once Blaine was satisfied with the marks he'd left on Kurt's neck he moved up and pulled away slightly but Kurt quickly protested clutching at him desperately and Blaine gave him a soft kiss "Baby I just want to take off our shirts so I can feel you...is that OK " Kurt nodded and loosened his grip allowing Blaine to get enough space between them to slip off his shirt and then reach over to move Kurt's up his chest and over his head. They came back together and Kurt's nails dragged over the skin of Blaine's back and shoulders causing Blaine to groan against his lips as he kissed his passionately and began to rock them together.

Blaine tried to move down so he could suck Kurt off first but Kurt started frantically shaking his head in a panic and Blaine looked at him concerned when he saw his eyes well up with tears "Please just...if we are going to do this I need you to not let go of me ok? I need you to hold me" and Blaine gave him a soft "of course Kurt" and settling back over him, he used their legs and feet to slip off their pajama pants and for a moment they just held each other, skin to skin, bodies slotted together perfectly. Kurt reached beneath his mattress and pulled out a bottle of lube and slid it into Blaine's hand and reached into his nightstand to pull out a condom handing that to him as well, Blaine tore open the condom and slid it on. Pouring some lube over his finger's he reached between them and slid his hand lower to lightly run his finger over Kurt's entrance before sliding a finger into Kurt's tight heat. He prepared Kurt slowly and lovingly, keeping their bodies pressed as closely together as he could and he kept his eyes on Kurt's face. Kurt stared back at him with tear filled eyes and as Blaine placed himself at Kurt's entrance so many words they couldn't say passed between their gaze.

_"I'm sorry"_

_"I love you"_

_"Please don't let this be the end"_

_"I want you forever"_

_"you are the love of my life"_

_"please forgive me_"

"Are you sure you want this?" Blaine asked softly and Kurt nodded slightly a tear leaking from his eye and sliding down his cheek and he reached up to lightly cup Blaine's face and he pressed a soft fluttery kiss to his lips before leaning up to his ear and responding with a quiet and almost desperate "_please_ make love to me Blaine" and he kissed Blaine's ear slightly before pulling back to lock eyes with him once again. Blaine pushed gently into Kurt until he was buried fully inside him and let out a shuttering breath, being inside Kurt was honestly the single most incredible feeling in the world. He pulled out slightly and pushed back in slowly angling himself to brush directly against Kurt's prostate with the familiar ease of someone who KNEW Kurt's body inside out. He made love to Kurt, slowly and tenderly. Cradling Kurt's body close to his chest, his eyes locked on Kurt's face. They traded loving passionate kisses, savoring one another's taste and feel. He kissed each tear that fell from Kurt's eyes and when they came together he made sure to look directly into Kurt's eyes and tell him he loved him.

Afterwards they laid together both exhausted, physically and emotionally. They'd held off their orgasms as long as possible neither wanting the moment to end. Blaine held Kurt close as he came back down from his high and once he'd stopped trembling he moved to get up to clean both himself and Kurt off but Kurt clutched his shoulders wide-eyed "where are you going?" he said fearfully and Blaine leaned back down to kiss him "Bathroom sweetheart...just getting a warm washcloth to clean us off I'll be right back ok?"he reassured him and the tension drained from Kurt's body and he nodded letting him go giving him a smile.

Blaine slipped out of Kurt who groaned softly at the loss and padded on bare feet to the bathroom turning on the warm water and waiting a moment for it to heat up while he disposed of the condom and tied off the end tossing it into the trashcan. He grabbed a wash cloth from under the sink and ran it under the warm water till it was slightly damp and rang out any excess water before shutting off the faucet and moving back into the bedroom were Kurt was waiting. He moved back onto the bed next to Kurt taking note of the sudden change in Kurt's demeanor as he stared with sad eyes despondently up at the ceiling and gently cleaned him off before tossing the cloth into the hamper and grabbing the blankets from the bottom of the bed were they'd been pushed and pulled them up over himself and Kurt.

"Baby? are you OK " he asked softly reaching out to run a hand gently down Kurt's chest marveling at the silkiness of his skin Kurt tensed slightly under the touch before relaxing again and squeezing his eyes tight as a few tears leaked out and he sniffled his voice quietly breaking the silence and asking Blaine in a broken voice "when you...did you...was it like that?...when you were with him?" he asked and rolled onto his side so his back faced Blaine and he hid his face in the pillow's curling up in fetal position. Blaine's heart clenched painfully, he would never forgive himself for this. He moved behind Kurt and pulled him against his chest, spooning him from behind. "Never Kurt, nothing and no one could ever compare to how perfect and incredible everything feels with you, it's not possible, we don't just have sex Kurt...we make love, because I love you, all of you, and making love is something I could only ever do with you" He said kissing Kurt's shoulder. Kurt nodded and slightly relaxed into Blaine's chest and whispered "I dont want to sleep...because when I wake up in the morning everything will go back to normal, no more pretending, I'm going to miss you" he sniffled. Blaine squeezed his eyes closed and nuzzled his face into Kurt's neck "I'm going to miss you too Kurt, just remember no matter what...I love you. Nothing and no one could ever change that in a million years, I will love you until the day I die, maybe even after if there's life after death...that's a fact" Kurt turned his head slightly and pressed a soft kiss to Blaine's lips. "I love you" he said, Blaine responded in kind and cuddled Kurt to his chest, they fell asleep that way, and in the morning they would wake up side by side facing one another hands intertwined and Blaine would kiss Kurt who would kiss him back with equal passion and simply say "I'll never say goodbye to you".

With a heavy heart Blaine pulled himself out of bed and got dressed, packing his bags silently with Kurt watching sadly from his spot on the bed the blanket's pooled around his waist, he slung his bag over his shoulder and stood by the door staring back at Kurt sitting on the bed. "Can I call you?" he asked. Kurt hesitated and nodded "Even if I don't answer...I think I'd appreciate knowing you are still thinking about me...but...if...if you decide you dont want to fix this then...just...tell me OK " he said wringing his hands. "That wont happen, I love you Kurt...I'm not saying goodbye...I'm just going to say I love you...and when ever you are ready, I'll be waiting." They exchanged sad smiles and Blaine forced himself to turn and walk through the door. It took everything in him not to turn around and run back into the room and take Kurt in his arms when he heard the sniffles and muffled broken sobs coming from the room. He caught a cab outside and headed towards the airport. He was heading back to Lima, away from Kurt once again. He didn't even try to hide the tears that slipped down his face. When he boarded the plane he took out his phone and before he shut it off he sent a quick text to Kurt. **_'I love you always and forever-Blaine'_**.

Author's Note:

I received many requests on both here & tumblr to write a story like this so I decided why not?

This is not a one shot, this will be a multi chapter story, no idea how long really. Saw my doctor yesterday and I am officially highly medicated and somehow still in pain. I have no idea if you can tell or not in my writing, if you can I apologize. Please read & review. No Flames I beg you, I have enough negativity in my life without people putting me down more. I do this for my own enjoyment, writing is my passion, I love it and it keeps me sane when things are bad. If you love it and want more? Please say so.

This is my story, if you don't like it, that's ok, I'm not asking you to like it and I didn't ask you to read it, but if this is the case I will tell you now it's not necessary to tell me I should go kill myself and never write again because I'm awful and you hated it. Just leave me be, I have enough problems in my life without it and it doesn't do you any good to send me things that like. I'll never stop writing so dont bother.

To my loyal readers? I love you, you are lovely and wonderful and I appreciate you more than you will EVER know.

Love and Klainebow's for all.

-RazzleJazzle


	2. Author's Apology

Hey guys, I just wanted to give you all an apology I had been trying to write and I have stuff saved that I'm working on but I couldn't keep writing, I was having excruciating pain in my abdomen and I couldn't eat anything, was throwing up etc. Ended up having to be rushed into the ER turned out I had Huge gallstones that were also causing my liver to swell and liver enzymes to elevate and a bunch of other stuff I didn't understand due to pain, so they ended up rushing me into surgery, during it there was a problem with a vein so the surgery that was supposed to last 45 mins lasted 1 hr 30 mins, and they had to make another BIGGER incision because the gallstones were bigger than they expected so Ive got 4 that hurt like hell. I'm still in the hospital right now and my dad brought a laptop so I could do this and let you guys know whats going on. I'll get back to writing as soon as I can I promise, I'm just trying to deal with the pain right now, I am 'supposed' to go home tomorrow but who knows, and if I do Im going to have to go up stairs...mind you I can barely walk with help, medicated & a walker the two feet I have to go to get to the bathroom so I dont even wanna know how painful that's going to be. wish me luck guys. all my love!

-Jazzy


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